From the article: Harsh Words
Do you have comments or advice for Ron C.? What was particularly good about the story? Are there things he might consider changing? Share Your Comments
Great Opening
- I love the rhythm of the first paragraph, the way the lines build to that final short line, "His message wasn't complicated." It's perfect. Because the rhythm is so good there, I wondered if the last line could be stronger. (Maybe just deleting "I realize" would do it. What do others think?) I had one other nitpicky thought, and that was to make sure the flashback to the scene the day before was all in past tense. Otherwise, I liked the way the various elements all work together: his boss was at his wedding, and now his marriage is on the rocks, as is his job. Even the boss's failed affair contributes to the feeling of things falling apart. You squeezed in a lot in some 500 words!
- —Guest Ginny
